2NE1 AND COUNTING...

SEPTEMBER 20, 2010...

one of my ever dearest friend, CLAIREE MAE SUDARIA - DURAN, turned 21...

it has exactly been past six birthdays of her that I last saw her in person... She migrated with her family, five years ago to IRELAND... I never really imagined anyone to migrate there let alone, one of my friends, and in a place I barely know anything about... well... they did migrate... and she left without even finishing HIGH SCHOOL back here in the PHILIPPINES... it was kinda sudden and abrupt... it never sunk into me up until she was really gone... and back in school, she was once my favorite seatmate... and since then, that seat has been taken by another student... it was pretty sad... I got to the point of actually daydreaming of the times when CLAIREE was still on board with all our goofiness in school... she was one of my favorite partners in crime... i remembered we used to laugh a lot all the time, just hanging out and gossiping every time and basically just do girly stuff but in some days, we just LOVED to STUDY, like all the time...  yeah honestly... it was one of our best moments, when we study together, it was magic... (LOL... totally faking it this time...) of course we're not your average top section students 'cause we'd rather much talk about gossip all day than open our books... and yet, we still were the cream of the crop... totally stylish, sexy and smart all wrapped into one... I can remember people talking about how we ever got so lucky, having beauty and brains and all... LOL... anyways... those were the days in school.. I haven't even mentioned yet how crazy we got outside the four walls of our ALMA MATER... talk about total DIRT... hehehe...

One particular thing that we did a lot back then, was go on a road trip... and by that I mean, riding on the other side of the road back to our addresses, therefore making a ROUND TRIP, making our ride home a little longer than the usual... the reason? oh, we just wanted to spend more money... LOL... not exactly... we just totally wanted to hang out more and have a longer time bonding and talking even inside a small jeepney... that was our "afternoon thing"... Upon going home, all the SOUTH people join the NORTH people on their rides home, and make a u-turn back to our own roads... that was pretty much an adventure every time we did that... it was either a fight between a rival of uniforms from an ALL BOYS SCHOOL BOSCONIANS to be exact, or a stranger alone in a ride with us, totally blushing in all his glory 'cause we all gang up on him... LOL... those days were so much fun... and what made it so special to reminisce right now is that CLAIREE has always been there with us...

sure there were "downs" during our time... and I don't wanna dwell on that but just wanna reiterate though that there were really sad moments in my HIGH SCHOOL life and she never failed to be there for me... She was there... She fought for me for a lot of times... She perhaps was really stronger than I am... She made me believe in myself... She made me think that I am too special to be crying over spilled milk... She cried and laughed with me all the way... 

CLAIREE was my hero...

and so two days before SEPTEMBER 20, 2010 came, I decided to give her a little surprise... I mean I got nothing else better to do for now and most of my friends in our 'barkada' also has graduated already, so I thought it would be easier to gather and make this project feasible this time around... it came to me that I really needed to buy her a cake, candles, and some balloons to complete the outcome of the project... so I didn't hesitate to inform all my girls about this plan and asked if anyone would like to do the art with me and maybe also make a video greeting for our dear CLAIREE...

unfortunately, due to PRC stuff, the new NURSES had become busy again lining up and registering in their organization, so only a few could make it... only four of them confirmed to come, namely, KRISTESE, CHARMING, MARINELLE AND AILEEN.... i thought five is a good number for a 12-member gang, except CLAIREE of course, so 12 not 13.... hehe....

anyways... It was enough I guess... I mean even with a few people around, we could totally make up for their absence and make a rocking BDAY PROJECT for our friend... and so, as SATURDAY came, SEPTEMBER 18, we gathered... unluckily again, AILEEN and MARINELLE couldn't make it due to personal family matters... anyways... it was down to another threesome, ME, OJ and CHARM... that had to do it...

and so... we went to GAISANO TABUNOK, bought all the necessary things to use for our project and went home to my crib... we started to make the posters and shout outs right away upon arriving home... then ate dinner... and then finalized everything... but then... there was a problem... we never thought of someone extra to help us in making this project work... we needed extra hands to capture pictures and record the video for us... waaaaaaaaaah!!!

but luckily this time, I was able to bribe my younger brother, STEVIE, to help us out and make a fool out of himself by pretending to be CLAIREE in our video... LOL.... he was participative enough... and I thank the LORD for giving me such a wonderful brother like HIM... LOL.. wish he could read this... anyways.. he was perfect for the job.. and so he helped us a lot with the pictures and video...

thankfully.. after one shot of all the pictures and one take of the video greeting, we finished the BDAY PROJECT FOR CLAIREE MAE at 11PM.... ;D

I felt so relieved, proud and excited upon accomplishing such work... It has been a long time since I've made such a personalized work of art for someone special and I really do owe it to CLANG for such a long time now to make something as personal as this... I mean... I was talking much awhile ago about how great she has been to me... and I think I never got the chance to show her how much I appreciate her presence... and so now I hope she knows that her absence makes me long for her so so bad... it breaks my heart every time I see how much she has changed in her looks and in maybe in her lifestyle in her FB pictures... I had always wished that we would do COLLEGE together just like in HIGH SCHOOL... but I know things do happen for a reason... that's why now, I'm sending all my lovin' for my CLAIREE MAE.....

to you my friend, I will always be indebted and I will never forget what you did for me... You somehow made me a different person... and I'm so glad that we were able to overcome the barrier we had once before when we were still strangers... 'Cause remember how you told me before that you never thought we'd be friends because I seemed so 'maarte' and 'suplada' but then I just totally retorted back the same thing?! LOL... that was such a fun day... after you revealed that to me, I knew right there and then that we'd be friends FOREVER...

no matter how far you are right now, I HOPE YOU FEEL MY LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU... I may not have been there for the past five years of your life physically but I do hope you know that I'll always be here for you no matter what... GOD BLESS YOU CLAIREE MAE... may you have more birthdays to celebrate, whether there in IRELAND or here in the PHILIPPINES, I hope you're HAPPY... I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH... mwah mwah mwah...

I miss you, I miss having you around, and I just miss "us" = me and you... ='(

P.S. I know it has been a corny blog... but I meant everything I said there... ok?!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 21st BDAY CLAIREE MAE!!! 

 WELCOME TO THE 2NE1 CLUB... ;D

HAPPY 21ST!!!

   WE LOVE YOU!!!  

                                                                                            

MC MONG - one of the greatest OPPA from 2d1n!!!

this is about how I Got to LOVE our ever dearest MONG AH!!! ;D

it hasn't been awhile since i started to watch 2d1n at KBS World and got to know the 7 unbelievably funny KOREAN dudes who are the main cast of such variety show... I knew the original cast has been replaced and it was KIM C, LEE SEUNGGI and MC MONG who joined the other members, KANG HODONG, LEE SUGEUN and EUN JIWON... and ever since then the show has been legendary... the 6 amazing characters can simply brighten up our SUNDAYS.. well at least here in the PHILIPPINES, we get to watch them twice a week, once on a FRIDAY night and a repeat on a SUNDAY afternoon... even though it's a replay on the Sundays, i still watch it again and again if I only I can... ever since I learned about this show, I never stopped watching it especially that I got to influence my three brothers and two cousins to watch it with me... every Friday night, we gather around the living room and have a great time bonding while watching 2d1n... my brothers automatically loved it after watching 1 episode... and so it became our routine every Friday... if one of us had to something on a Friday night, we always made sure we'd all watch it again on the Sunday replay... it was inevitable that I would come to really enjoy and love the show cause all of the cast members are really good at their crafts... they all are talented artists and comedians that is totally pleasing to watch them gang up on each other and just have fun along doing the BOKBULBOK challenges... it's just inspiring to see their tight brotherhood...

and then KIM JONG MIN rejoined them... but KIM C left after a few episodes that JONG MIN came back to the show... he had to leave for personal matters and it was an epic episode when they last shoot with KIM C... they cooked delicious meals for him and they even cried upon saying goodbye to their dear brother... it was pretty sad to see someone, you've become accustomed to watch on their show, leave the other 6 members... but we are all happy for KIM C if it meant for him to pursue his other dreams in life...

and so the new 6 members brought a different taste to the show as the NEW OB was created having JONG MIN with HODONG and SUGEUN and the SEOP SEOP DANG or the DISAPPOINTED party was reunited... it was outrageously funny having these two groups now on the show since they all mesh well together..... and i couldn't ask for anything more... JONG MIN definitely belongs to this show... so it's great having him back for good... and so we continued to fill our stomachs with unparalleled humor from all six remaining guys... especially that our dear MONG AH has never been funnier than ever... he totally has become one of the greatest singers turned comedians to have graced on tv!!! ;D

but then... the issue about MC MONG illegally dodging his MS drafts exploded like a bomb and totally affected the entire KOREAN entertainment network along with the netizens who turned their backs on him the moment this news spread like a disease on the blogs and message boards everywhere...

i was very disheartened... it was very unusual for me to have read a lot of angry comments from previous fans of an artist like MC MONG... it made me question their loyalty to their celebrities... and so it came to me, how different we are when it comes to issues like this... it donned to me, how much we value more our sense of faith in one man's character especially if he is not yet proven guilty... it saddens my heart that there are people who can easily change spots and turn their backs on someone... people do deserve second chances... and I believe MC MONG is innocent and I know in my heart that he is going to survive this and that he is going to be cleansed out of all these issues that are totally hurting him right now... I mean if you come to look at it, there would be no reason for MC MONG to lie about this and intentionally hurt himself by taking out 4 more teeth to dodge the MS drafts just because he wants to... maybe he has a valid reason for doing so or he really is saying the truth about his decaying teeth... I mean how bogus can an artist be in maintaining his image clean to their viewers let alone to his fans, right???

MC MONG is not stupid... He would know that something like this could happen if he did illegally do those teeth removal to dodge the MS drafts... so I sincerely put all my strength and loyalty to our dear MONGIE... he needs us now more than ever... and I want him to know that I will never believe the unfair news about him if it didn't come from his mouth at all... people may be good at putting other people down, even at the midst of them hitting rock bottom, but the truth will eventually prevail and GOD only listens to the hearts of those who call upon HIM... and I know GOD is on MONG's side... As we your fans, MC MONG, are on your side too all the way...!!!

GOD BLESS YOU MC MONG!!! you have indeed captured our hearts... and you will always be our great OPPA and we will always have faith in YOU... may you conquer this tragic issue and once more make us laugh harder than ever before...

I LOVE YOU SO, I WANT YOU SO, OH THANK YOU MC MONG!!!

may the truth set you FREE... xoxo... ;D

Gossip Girl... One Tree Hill... American Idol... America's Next Top Model...

is it normal to always have the need to get some emotion by just watching
these tv shows? i can't seem to figure out why i always and as in always get the most
meaning about every little detail that turns out in these shows...
i don't know why... but it really gets me... it affects me...

do i really have to like become affected by everything that happens in these shows???
it's like every time i watch it, it seems to read me....

i hate it... i get dumbfounded.... crying alone....
realizing how it could have been easier if i did lead my life the way things turn out in
these shows.... it's pretty annoying sometimes.... i hate having to depend the way i think
and feel with the lessons i get to comprehend every time i do watch an episode of these shows...

but i gotta be honest... it makes me feel safe somehow...
and i get a little hope that maybe someday, things would just turn out ok...
we'll see...

Searching for some clarity. . .

i thought it wasn't suppose to be that hard to find some answers in life if u just keep asking...

but it turns out.... the more u ask about everything that seems vague in your life, u get into a more difficult state when u start hearing the unbearable truths to every unpredictable circumstance that u actually get to encounter everyday... the answers seem to reveal the reality of every little detail of your life... you start to wonder why u even bothered to ask when u know that in the end, u could get what you were really looking for, or u end up disappointed, devastated and discontented with whatever the truth has slapped you...

it is a slap alright... i has been a big slap lately in my case... i hate facing the reality of just about everything... i wanna live in a world where people can somehow live pretentiously... like everything and everyone is fine and nothing could go wrong as long as u have faith in just about anything in the world but most of all - faith in yourself and faith in other people... but sadly... life has not been depicting that pretty well nowadays... people seem too easily disheartened at the mistakes of one innocent fella that they tend to bring that person down... enough for that fella not to even dare stand up again n rise from that fall... people seem to have lost the reason to believe... people seem to have forgotten to have patience in having faith that everything is going to be alright if u just believe...

maybe that's why i have been arguing that same thing on my mind for the past few days that have passed... i've lost faith in what i used to believe... i lost faith in everything i wanted for myself... i've lost faith in people... i've lost faith in what i can actually do... i've ultimately lost faith in myself...

i don't know if i could ever be fine with everything that has been going on in my life... everything about it seems to have been inevitable, indescribable, unbearable and incredibly unsustainable...

i don't even know what truly matters now... all i know is that i have lost almost everything that could possibly fulfill a little part of my happiness... i can't seem to bring back clarity in what i used to picture myself to become when i reach this age... the worst thing is that, its not only that i've lost faith but its also 'cause i've become lost in a world i used to love so much... now i know that i don't want any part of this "world" anymore... i've become fed up with everything that seems to devour every little thing that i used to cherish so much... now it's all gone...

this is where i point out that i don't need to know the answers anymore... maybe I'd still ask... but not to get the most unlikely answers to my confusions... but maybe just to search for some clarity... no more biases... no more opinions... just the clear reality of everything... whether it be the truth or not... i know now what i'm actually going to listen and forget, and which ones i'm actually going to instill in my heart...

for now... i'm just searching for some clarity... is that so hard to find?!
tell me now... 'cause it has been really hard trying to understand everything...
vague as life is... i know i'm very uncertain what might be or what could be...
right now... it's killing me slowly... there's no cure to this sickness...
it is mildly infectious but i am damn well aware that people out there have the same thoughts
as mine... i do hope u get to tell me what seems to be wrong in this world we live in now...
tell me now... or tell me never... whatever...
it doesn't truly matter anymore, right?!

do u know where the beauty is at some point in our lives? the beauty is in the attempt...
and call me assuming but really I've attempted to make things right for like a gazillion times now but nothing seems to work out... it didn't work out at all...
so let's just leave it at that... at least i can say that i tried... the intention was there...
i attempted to do it, right? what else do u want from me?

for now... this is all of me... wasted... torned... used... unvalued...
practically just a piece of s***...